Staring at the screen

I am staring at the screen and i don't know what to do.

Foreword

Its 3Am and i lay in my bed sleepless. I have been trying too hard for last 2 hours catch some sleep so that i can be up in time for the early morning flight i need to catch for Mumbai. I finally got restless & knowing not what to do i did the most obvious thing: switch on my computer once again which i had shutdown two hours ago after customarily checking my orkut profile & gmail for any traces of mail or messages that i might have received from poor restless souls like me across the globe.

It was a thought that was eating me for last 5 days; the thought occurred to me when i was flipping through the pictures of my school time on a friends profile as to how the bunch of small kids bound together by destiny for 7 years had transformed themselves into successful & seasoned professionals through the last 8 years since we left school.

Yes the time flies fast and how 15 seasons have passed no one can guess but i share a firm belief that, put the same set of 110 students who joined sainik school Bijapur on 2nd, 3rd & 19th July 1993 now in 2008 and they will all be the same; Set of chubby kids in which many of whom learnt to speak the first letters of English only after they entered this school. From the village bumpkins who were assembled in the conference hall of SSBJ through a tough entrance exam & selection interview (how we prepared for selection & exam is a different story altogether) to fine groomed young men (yes thats what we liked to call ourselves at 17 when we passed school) the transformation had begun on the fateful day of 2nd april 2000 when we crossed the gates of SSBJ one last time as the students only to return as alumni who can only try and relive the memories.


Its funny to see how memories begin to fade so early in life. Although i am in the prime of my youth i struggle to recall the entire stay at SSBJ and barely recollect & re construct my childhood.

It is because of this thought that i should not let go of these memories that i have decided to pen down those glorious 7 years of our lives. I dont think i can do complete justice it but will nevertheless try and our it in a form of a story that any of the Ajeet (students of SSBJ: Sainik School Bijapur call themself as Ajeets) can easily relate to. Its not a story of any particular individual(s) but the protagonists of this story is a mix and match of many a characters that enlivened the atmosphere.


All the characters in this story will be original and not a figment of imagination. Yes certain amount of creative liberty will be at use.

PURA a dream too far?

I have so far abstained form writing about public issues on this blog but however i am going to break this self imposed barricade and make an effort to look into the issues that is very close to my heart. The issue is of providing basic civic amenities not just to the rural folks but mor importantly to a very large chucnk of society that is neglected but today is growing at an alarming rate:- The URBAN POOR.
Increasing development has lead to people from villages migrating from villages to the ever expanding cities/towns. The rate of influx of these people has over shot the rate at which investments are being made to improve the civic infrastructues.

The reason i am writing this post is that i recently was in my home town for about 10 days during which i got an opportunity to walk around the city, explore all the neighbourhoods & speak to the residents so as to understand the problems that they face. The needs came across almost similar across localities.

The need for proper housing, drainage & lighting seem to be on top priority on every one's mind. Rains play havoc in the lives of these people as their houses are washed away and they are staranded without any help. This is mainly due to the lack of pukka housing & proper drainage system; more importantly - improper city planning. Agreed that most of the structures are illegal settlements/encrochments, the growing cities have just forced them to build tentative settlements.

The governments down south have come up with very good housing schemes for urban poor under the Ashraya Scheme, but alas the implementation gets very slow een with the availability of funds as the real estate prices have gone through the roof & no body is willing to sell it to the government as it would mean selling land at the existing government valued rates(rates that are always undercoated so as to evade stamp duty during transaction & muncipal taxes) which is less than the market rates. So the land owner delines to sell the land to goverment authorites. In that sense the program is postponed to the next yer

To Be or not to Be

Its been 4 months since i have taken over my role as as Area Sales Manager and i dont even realise how time has flew. However the last 30 days have brought back things the ideals that i cherished and wanted to practice in sales. These things that i always wanted to had somehow begun to disappear. Is it because i was getting caught in the perpetual web of number chasing without even taking a moment back to understand if the things that i am doing to achieve my targets is right. Or to put it simply, if it were my business would i be as lenient as i am now.

If there are certain things are to be done in some way then thats the way it should be. Howeve i somewhere begun to feel that being in the system i needed to adapt myself. But had i failed to understand that "I WAS THE SYSTEM" and system would be the way i drive it. Agreed that there is a legacy that is built in, but its always my repsonbility now to relook at things that are being done. Having a respect and thinking that being new in the system i had to learn the trics of the trade, i forgot that i dont have to wait inordinately long.

But alas, i had a eureka moment after my review, as to how i had begun to change myself in the last 4 months despite being unwilling to do these thinsg. I was wondering how can i sales when it is so big & mighty; but i forgot that " Why should sales change me?" Am i wrong or the ideals that i hold about it are wrong. When i was made to realise that the beliefs that i hold about sales are right, i need to go ahead and implenet them. I realised that we are all working towards it and what was missing was the speed of execution.

Its been a good month thereafter as i have begun chasing my ideals which do match with the things that my company wants me to. Wow i must tell you, i am having a ball doing the work. The kind of energy that it has brought in me is tremendous.

However, what i have also realised is that to change a system or a particular way of working is very difficult. To change mindsets is a crazy task. One is met with so many obstacles. But i ask myself if i am ready to take on that challenge? Am i willing to take the pain and set things right. Am i ready to do the right things? This is what i had been debating over the last full week.

But after my initial forays in changing attitudes, i have realised that, i might not be able to change everything, but atleast i an influence thinsg to some extent & make a difference. In the process, the good people in the system will benift & the ones who are not in the system will loose out.

Long time no see

Lots of water has flown down the subarnarekha river(Jamshedpur is on the banks of this river) and along with it has time which i think was where i spent one of the most crucial years of my academic life. Its been almost 6 months that i have finished my MBA and graduated from XLRI Jamshedpur. I have since then moved on in life (have I?) to join the big world of Corporates. Wheather its good or bad as they say is still to be decided.

Life has taken a different but a curious turn after i finished my MBA. With all the tensions of moving from one exam to another where each exam decided where i stand in the college / academic hierarchy which ultimately (so did they say) would determine my future life (does it mean the job i take up?) gone i have moved onto a field where i get a good salary at the end of each month and my parents do not have to worry as to how their son would perform in the next year or what would happen to his future.

They are quite happy with the fact that their son's hard work through his academic life has paid good dividends as he is now well settled in a job.

But the point i wish to explore here is not about my past and certainly not the future but about the most neglected part of our lives "PRESENT".

Of what i have experienced in the last 25 years of my life is that we always run and think about mostly whats happened in our past and worrying about the future. Seldom we realize that in the process we are loosing that time where we can make a difference to our future. Because it is these actions that we take in the present that determine our future past & the future future.

It was not easy for me to do this specially after coming out of the humdrum of school/college life. It was all very difficult. It would be something that each one of us experience and long for once we finish our college days. When i did my MBA and then joined Cadbury's in their Sales & Mktg dept

What did our School teach US?

We all sing kudos to our almamter standing here among the group of friends who go a long way back in our existance. We cherish the days we spent in the school, in our barracks, in our houses. The cross country races that we ran, remembering the blocks which we belonged to. Its a place where we still remember each others roll numbers and the personality of a student depends on the house he belonged to.

But i would like to take some time here and reflect on what is that Sainik School Bijapur really taught us? Was that the CBSE level education? Was it playing sports? Was it swimming, horse riding, debating quizzing or what is it? What is the learnings that binds us together, what makes us different from others in the society?

1. Entrance Exam
Situated in an area where quality education was absent and unaffordable to most of us, SSBJ's entrance examination and the subsequent selection process gave us the confidence that we can crack competative examinations. So the victory was not in cracking the exam in itself but the SELF-Confidence that this process gave us has i think taken all of us this far in our life for all of us have faced multiple exams after this but with a confidence that we can crack it.

Moments of Happiness

When did i make my family feel proud of me?

I believe every time i do something good they feel proud of me...thats typical parents for you. But its more important for oneself to feel for events where he thought he has made his family take pride in him..

Let me recollect a few such instances...but before that a brief background

I come from a family where business ruled supreme & education was the last priority till my mom entered the family, i.e. when dad got married..It was mom who was a rank student who decided that her kids would not be mediocres in life. She wanted the best possible education for her kids. How we were educated is another story....


1. Getting selected to Sainik School

An absent minded person in the office of sainik school broke our hearts when he announced that i wasnt on the merit list of the entrance exam (My roll No: 136). I was heart broken. Next morning i wake up to my dad's hand thrusting a piece of newspaper infront of my eyes. He was exited and i was in a bad mood wondering what got him so exited. He pointed to no 136 in a timy box and the heading of which read "Sainik School Bijapur - Merit List", I rub my eyes and look again. It was indeed 136.

I jumped out of my bed and asked for mom...he said she's gone to the teacher's house in the next compund, i run and jump the compund wall unmindful of the height exited and over the moon...my dad runs behind me..Its 6.30 in the morning and a bit misty. Couldnt wait till 9 when the office opened so we decide to drive to bijapur which is 108 kms from badami so that we could cross verify the result.


We reach Bijapur at 9.30 when the peon had just opened the door of office and the superintendent hadnt yet come...i enquire with anticipation about the reslut and he points me to the board where they had put up the results. 136 was 14th in the order of merit. My joy new no bounds but i still wanted to hear from the office. he arrives majestcally at 10 and i pounce on him about the result and explaining him the turn of events....he is hit by the mistake he had done. He was apologetic about the mistake and we all had a hearty laugh...

Heres what had happened - there was another person of the same name who hadnt quaified but had a roll no less than me...my roll no was 136 and his around 60.

Thus begun a long journey away from home on my own in search of destinations that would bring me & my family happiness.


2. Campus placement - TCS my first love

IT was going through some really lean period in 2003 and we were all wondering about our decisions to take up IT engineering. we had seen our dollar dreams come crashing the previous years as our seniors struggled to get placed. It was announced that TCS would be the first company on campus to requirt the 2004 batch of engineers.

We had just finished our 6th sem exams and were all geared up for what could be the defining moment of our engineering careers. I went out on 1st sept to buy new pair of clothes for the interview on 2nd sept.

TCS came and started the process late by 5 hours. Not a good sign as the company representatives were miffed by the arrangements. They told us why TCS is th ebest place for us to be.... But all us were waiting for th eone slide ..... "Package".

"2.3 Lakhs", the HR manager announced. There began whispers around the room. Rs.20000 a month, 650 rs a day....Not bad i said to myself. I could buy pizza everyday i thought if i get into this company. Then there were those insignificant things like the selection procedures etc etc. I just couldnt wait to lay my hands on the job. My hands were itching.

Finished the written round on the first day and cleared it. Interviews were to be held the next day. I go back home to a caring mother (dad was at badami), who makes sure that i had good sleep so that i can be fresh the next day. Mom - you are the best. Next day i wake up
only to find that i did not have a matching tie and it was already 9. Interviews starting in 30 min. Mom offers to buy me a tie by herself while i was at college waiting for my turn. Mera number aaya, lekin late aaya at 5.30 in the evening.

The interviewers during the course of the interview offered me biscuits and said "We are sorry to have kept u waited. Please have some biscuits". My friends had adviced me not to pick up the biscuits, but i said what the heck..i was hungry. I grab 2 biscuits and eat them while they had tea. I was happy tha my stomach was silenced. Th einterview started and went for about 45 minutes...along normal lines.

Again the wait began for the results to come out. Rumors started flying thick and fast about the number of students that had been picked up. Some one said 53, some one said the company had walked out because of some problem (They had not been offered dinner..so went the rumor). Dad kept calling every 15 minutes enquiring about the results. I got irritated after 5 calls and ased him not to call and i would do so once the results were out.

The results came finally at 10.30 and i see my name in it. I jumped in joy and punched my fist. I had done it...I would now have Rs.20000 in my account every month. I make a series of phone calls (Dad, Mom, Sis, Amit Sir, friends in that order). I tell my mom that i would come home and we would celebrate. I run in search of Pepsi.....(talk of brand loyalty) and manage to locate a shop which is almost closed. I ask him to open the almost downed shutters for me. he thinks i am crazy..but what the hell i needed pepsi badly.

I reach home at 11pm and open the bottle of pepsi to celebrate after i thanked GOD for being with me. I call up dad again explaining completely as to how things went in detail as i was in no mood to explain before. He is over the moon. He says "My responsibility ends today. You are an independent man from now". (Gosh how wrong was he - its been 4 years and i still dont have a job).

Nitesh and Nagaraj land at home to congradulate me and they too pour their share of Pepsi...They leave after an hour. Then began what has been the most memorable night of my life... The night when me and mom talked through the night about the things that we had endured over the years, the problems that we had faced, the words that we had to hear asa family about my parents fanatic efforts in our eduation process. They had felt vindicated.

For an area where an average salary was Rs.6000 for a 30 year old...a 20 year old earning Rs 20000 in a TATA company was a way too uncomprehedable and a matter of great envy. OH man how we loved those moments. Dad lands up a day later and we all celebrate.

It was the day when my dad allowed me to drive his Maruti Zen (i drive it till day). He was happy.

To be continued......